


I CAN BE SO COLD

by khanumoftheworld



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abandonment, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Character Study, Daddy Issues, Depression, F/F, Feminism, Instropection, Introspection, Longing, Love, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27958502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khanumoftheworld/pseuds/khanumoftheworld
Summary: Mikasa anguishes over Annie leaving her abruptly. Annie had left no calls or texts; instead just deciding to block her number and her  social media profiles all of a sudden.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Annie Leonhart
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	I CAN BE SO COLD

**Author's Note:**

> I really think these two had a toxic relationship or at least would have had one; and one of them would have definitely cut the other off without much reason. I headcanon Annie as being the one to do so in the fic, but honestly both of them are capable of ghosting.

Crusty eyes slowly fluttered open as Mikasa awoke from her slumber. Her head pounded, eyes straining against the dim lightings of the room. 

The last thing she remembered was the party Eren had dragged her to. To try to forget Annie.

Annie, who swooped into her life and clawed at her heart. Annie, who managed to carve a hole in it- making her feel so excruciatingly alive yet wary of the fall.

Mikasa knew; she had always known that nothing lasted forever. There was always an inevitable fall from grace and happiness. Happiness was fleeting and it was best not to get too familiar.  
Happiness was like Annie, she poignantly chuckled to herself. 

Annie had attracted Mikasa with her ice cold attitude; that ice that was to be melted by Mikasa. But Annie was a glacier submerged into water; deep waters that even Mikasa’s fire could never ignite.

Annie gave her hope; Annie was her first everything. Her first crush, her first kiss, the person who touched her; every touch made Mikasa feel whole when she knew she was nothing but a corpse struggling to survive. 

Mikasa’s heart had been weak ever since she was a child. No matter how hard she tried to act cold and suppress her emotions, she couldn’t. Unyielding loyalty and compassion were here fatal flaws; or so Grisha had told her before he left their mother.

She thought she had been in control by choosing Annie. Annie attracted her with their shared interests; their interest in feminism, martial arts; their dry humour, sordid issues with their fathers, cold facades hiding volatile feelings buried so deep but magma hot nonetheless. Or that’s what Mikasa thought. 

It was never a good idea to mix two people so alike yet so different in morals and upbringing; a fact Mikasa had unfortunately only learnt after being frostbitten by Annie. 

Now every song, every girl she fucked or fantasised about; would take her back to Annie’s porcelain skin that belied her tough facade.

Mikasa knew she was desirable and she deserved better. She knew that wallowing in sadness and fantasizing about Annie, even after she had left and moved on from her, was no use. But she continued doing so.

This feeling of abandonment, though raw and hurting, was familiar. 

Mikasa never really had stability in her life. People always left- whether physically or emotionally.

In some way? These feelings of abandonment acted as a way to stabilise her. With Annie, she felt alive but things with Annie were unknown. 

With Annie out of her sight, the familiar feeling of emptiness and nobody to really care for crept in; a cold comfort. In a twisted way, she was in control once again. And she knew that was the reason why Annie had cut her off with no explanation after all their time together.

Stability was important to the both of them. It didn’t matter how they achieved. Mikasa may not have been a good lover or even a good person; but she knew one thing that would always connect women like her and Annie. 

They were survivors. They would survive no matter the cost. Everyone and everything were just a means to survival.

For that; she could never hate Annie and she knew Annie could never hate her.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you enjoyed! Or if you have any headcanons/thoughts about these two <3  
> My twitter is at @ivyackerbitch !


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